Him

I was Him.
The life of the party
With leadership qualities.
The star athlete,
Bold and popular
With life at my fingertips;
Him.

I was Him.
A friend sought after, beloved.
A son to a mother,
A brother to many.
Him.

I was Him. 
The lover of adventure
And pranks and
Hard work;
Mostly hard work.
Him.

I was Him.
The one that got away
From the right crowd,
From the true path.
The “I partied too hard,”
The “I drank a little too much,”
But still needing more.
The one stolen pill from a cabinet,
The “Just one more hit.”
The “I need Her.”
Him.

I was Him.
One facility away from normality,
Or so they say.
A U-turn, then 
A husband to She,
A father of three 
Holding the pride of
A beautiful woman in 
My own unworthy hands.
A survivor and conquerer
Of the shackles bestowed
By Her.
Him.

I was Him.
The one that got away.
The one that couldn’t stay.
A man destined to wander,
Forever searching
For the missing piece
Of a puzzle
In a place it had never been
And would never be;
In Her.
Forgetting the bigger 
Picture entirely.
Forgetting She.
Forgetting We.
Him.

I am Him.
Alone and afraid
Of myself.
Afraid of every failure
Layered on the next.
Afraid to admit truth
When lies hold up the 
Ground I stand on.
Knowing the truth will
Simultaneously convict 
And free me.
Too proud to face 
Facts of any kind.
A victim to the cycle 
Of Her.
Him.

I am Him.
One of many lost
In the merry-go-round
Death constructed,
Awaiting my exit.
Playing a game of 
Roulette with my life,
My soul,
And losing everytime
To Her.
A betting man gambling
Away his livelihood
Over and over again;
Stuck, waiting 
For the world 
To stop spinning.
Him.

I am Him.
Desperate to be saved,
But too desperate to stay.
I am sorry.
I am Him.