I am her.
Not to be held or loved,
But used and discarded.
The temporary solution 
To a permanent problem.
The obsession.
The lapsed boundary.
The bad decision.
Only chosen once,
Yet, lasting a lifetime.
Her.

I am her.
Gaining love 
Only in secret places.
Blinded darkness,
Masquerading as light.
Hiding ugly scars.
A facade 
Of okay,
Of not alone.
Her.

I am her.
Yearning in the lonely night.
Pain in the solitary holiday.
Broken, misguided hope.
Disappointment without a voice.
Her.

I am, I am, I am

and yet, 
I am not. 

Not life.
Not hope.
Not enough. 
Never enough. 

Thus, I am a loss.

A loss of words;
Relatives left wondering.
A loss of hope; 
Mothers left aching.
A loss of identity; 
Lovers left grieving.
A loss of life;
Addicts left sleeping.

A loss,
And yet,
Still Her. 

Still yearned for.
Claimed by many;
Beggars and choosers alike.
A red flag chased by men,
A blade hidden by color.

The only choice
Was the chase.
The only claiming
Mine. 

Never tamed,
Yet, you will die trying. 

A man caught in a trap of his own making.

Forever hers.
Forever mine.