I’m learning that sometimes laughter isn’t the absence of pain—it’s the refusal to be swallowed by it.

Weeks on days
Hours on minutes
Seconds add up
I’ve reached my limit

What does one do,
When faced with a storm?
Does one hide or cry?
Does one lay on the floor?

One does what one must.
Some fight, some scream.
Some lose their sanity,
Some throw away dreams.

I, have done all,
Survival demanding more each day.
My desires, my voice,
My identity gone away.

Until enough was enough
Or maybe sanity waved goodbye.
Surely Jesus picked me up,
The day I laughed instead of cried.

The house was a disaster
Kids screaming galore
Wanting me, wanting we,
Wanting everything and more.

More I could not give them,
not enough more to go around
I searched and searched 
more of me could not be found.

Overwhelmed, overworked
Over life and over hurt.
Over noise, over messes
Done with all the insane stresses.

But what’s done is only done
Until more comes about
That day I went to scream,
My anger went to shout.

But my mouth did not listen,
My heart did not obey.
See, sanity had left me
Only laughter remained.

I choked on that laugh
When I should have been crying.
I choked and I sputtered
And the anger began dying. 

One does what one must
To weather each storm.
And laughter, it seems,
Is best at keeping me warm.